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Re: Helppppppppp [Re: tweetymom] #390409 11/28/09 03:15 PM
Joined: Sep 2009
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LuvMyPets Offline
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I don't want more helpful members to leave...

Re: Helppppppppp [Re: Chau] #390410 11/28/09 04:24 PM
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kksuns Offline
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Originally Posted By: Chau
@ PDM yah right, duh, get lost n mind your own business..or yuh can continue licking BLR's xxx =D oh n you taught someone to be a surgeon? come over, i'll teach you manners.
ehhh, as if i'ave time to spell each n evry word like i'm taking an exam, oops, you oldies surely don't understand the short chat forms of writing *sad*

@illusive Fantasy, who do yu think yu are? if you were in my country, people would have tied you up with
a tree n beaten you up with some street dogs and teach how to behave. lol, you sound more like
a mad woman who acts like animals with people. you all need to join up n go to the jungle n scream
there together. you tell me i'm cruel? mad xxxxx, i got my birds all they needed, but yu seem to be licking yor bird's xxxxx
could you pls come n lick my birdie's xxxx also? i have another suggestion for you, get your burdies out of the
cage and you get inside it, and snap the door on your xxx..you bunch of psychos..i was stupid indeed to ask these
useless women who got nothing to do, to treat my animals like professionals do..i'm out of the jungle granmas =D


I reread this whole thread and I honestly don't see where anyone disrespected the new member. Yes they showed concern for his birds but disrespect? I don't see it. Would you mind pointing out where anyone was being disrespectful?? The only disrespect I see comes from Chau!
When a member, old or new, makes a statement like the above quote??? That is out and out shameful and entirely disrespectful! Come over and I'll teach you manners??? Tie you to a tree and beat you up and teach you how to behave???
Not to mention the other vulgarity!!! WOW!

Lisa, do you really think this person deserves to remain on this forum? Sounds to me like they abuse people, most especially women, even more than animals!
PDM was RIGHT to shut down this thread after the way Chau acted. She tried her best to reason with Chau in a kind and respectful manner, as did the other members, until he responded in an obviously explosive, abusive, and vulgar manner. Kudos to you PDM, you did the right thing.

This is part of what you said Lisa:
I know we've had this issue in the past and I thought it well worth it to try to examine what happened here, so that we can all learn from it and hopefully not have this happen again.
Well, I think the only one who hasn't learned from what happened in the past is YOU.
I'd hate to lose even more members over this...It's a shame. frown I think you should be defending YOUR community against people like Chau, not welcoming them in to the fold even after they have shown their "true colors".




Re: Helppppppppp [Re: kksuns] #390411 11/28/09 04:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
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illusive Fantasy Offline
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DITTO to the above. A forum is a place to voice opions,views and experiences but to condone and be a pacifist when obviously there are people who are speaking to you as if your a idiot and dont know it..sorry. And just try to tell me if someone did that to your face what Chau did with the THREATS and vulgarity that u wouldnt do something about it...i dont think so..

Re: Helppppppppp [Re: illusive Fantasy] #390420 11/28/09 11:07 PM
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tweetymom Offline
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Sadly, I have to agree with the above. kksuns, BLR, PDM, and illusive Fantasy. What's going on, Lisa?


Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin
Re: Helppppppppp [Re: tweetymom] #390431 11/29/09 01:01 AM
Joined: Oct 2004
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Lisa Shea Offline
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I know this is an issue for our forum, which I felt it was important to discuss. Discussing an issue can be challenging, I agree, but surely it is much better than sweeping it under the rug? The members who left earlier said it was because of feelings that had been simmering for months, and not a one-shot issue. It is only by discussing issues that we can sort these types of situations out.

Yes, this could have been handled with private messages, but that was what everybody was concerned about the last time - that it was handled often with private messages and nobody knew what had been said. I got MANY messages from people saying it should be discussed in public. So based on all of that feedback, I think public discussion is the best way to go. I know it can be challenging at first to get used to public discussion, so definitely we can take it slowly and easily so everyone feels comfortable with the idea!

Public discussion of forum directions is always preferable to private discussion where the rest of the forum members all feel excluded and confused. Again, we can see that happened previously and we all learned from that. So a gentle, supportive, public discussion is the way to help everyone understand.

I hope that helps to explain why this is a public discussion that involves all forum members, and helps to look into how we as a forum treat members!


Lisa Shea, Owner
Re: Helppppppppp [Re: BLR] #390432 11/29/09 01:03 AM
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Lisa Shea Offline
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So, to have our public discussion, again this is about troubleshooting an issue so we can all explore what happened and find a happy, healthy path for all of us going forward!

The conversation was friendly, and supportive, and everyone was happy - and then there was this post -

Originally Posted By: BLR
BUSTED - shame on you for pretending to be someone from Bangladesh and presenting them in such a bad light.


So let's start there. BLR - what caused you to post this message about our new forum member?


Lisa Shea, Owner
Re: Helppppppppp [Re: Lisa Shea] #390437 11/29/09 01:20 AM
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BLR Offline
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I am sorry that I did not make it clear that it was the "bad spelling" and "bad grammar" that he was presenting as coming from a Bangladesh citizen that I felt was far worse than the presentation of bad circumstances for his birds. I felt like the thread was a hoax because of the feigned accent. It was not bad English is was a bad accent. I had downloaded his post and found several inconsistencies in his “bad English.” The use of “da” “day” and “dat” this is part of the “accent” not bad English Then there was the reference to inches rather than cm. I think this statement was purely to shore up the hoax “oh its 5:42 am in our country”

Re: Helppppppppp [Re: BLR] #390441 11/29/09 01:48 AM
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You know - I am really sorry all of this happened. I stand by my opinion that this person was a troll. I think that I have been proven right on that count.

Lisa, I guess that is where we differ in opinion. You fell that the new member was only reacting to my statement. I cannot unring this bell. I don't want to continue discussing it because we will not agree.

I really enjoy this forum and find it both rewarding and informative.

Re: Helppppppppp [Re: BLR] #390442 11/29/09 01:50 AM
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Lisa Shea Offline
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Thank you, BLR, that helps to explain things much better!

I realize it is challenging to read posts when written by teens who have developed a "hip" way of speaking. I have been deluged by this for many years, with the questions that come into the RomanceClass.com advice area. In the beginning I used to try to "rewrite" the incoming letters before posting them, so that adults could understand what was being said. Over time I have given up smile Now I just run what they write, as they write it. If we are to consider this person's phrasing "bad" then I have seen far, far worse than this.

Teens like to feel they have their own lingo. You can look back to the hep cats and the 23-skidoo and daddy-o and so on in previous generations. It is probably more noticeable nowadays because teens are speaking this way in areas that adults are trying to use. Also, that probably tends to reinforce the teens' desire to speak in a way that they feel makes them seem cool or with-it.

You can see that many of the teens on this board - from a variety of countries - misspell "enuf" or use the letter "u" to mean "you". I'm sure some of them don't even think about it, they think it's normal. The more someone is online and types with their friends, the more their style starts to feel "normal" and they don't even realize how it might appear to an outsider.

In terms of this particular user, his IP addresses (and he used several) all tie back to the Asia region. I don't have any sense, anywhere, that he is not from Bangladesh. Yes, he speaks in teenager leet-speak. But so do a gigantic (if not overwhelming) number of the letters for help that I get from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and other countries in that region. That is apparently the way some teens talk over there. Not necessarily in his specific idiom, but each in his or her own style.

After all, they are growing up using computers, visiting Western websites, watching Western TV, and they have the same slang desires as other teens do.

I realize and fully understand that you were upset, feeling this person was a troll. However, PDM and I can see IP addresses. We can see the IP address of every single post. In the future, if you ask PDM and me to check, we can find out fairly quickly if the person is a US resident presenting to be a foreigner for troublesome reasons.

With the research I've done, I do think in this case that it was a troubled teen in a foreign country who came to us for help. We then accused him in what he took to be a confrontational manner of being a "bad representative of his country" - which I think would upset any teenager, of any country. Imagine if you were a teenager and someone said to you "You are an awful representation of what someone from the US would be like, stop faking that awful language" when you were being yourself. You would probably be hurt and upset, and would not react well.

I am not in any way condoning his response. I am just working my way through the events so we can all understand what happened.

I realize with our recent troll problem that it probably felt natural to make that accusation like that. I understand that completely. It is something that any forum member might have done, which is why I felt it was worth discussing.

I am asking, if we have another new poster in the coming weeks who seems foreign, that forum members ask PDM and me to check them out. We can perform our background check and then post the results publicly, so that everyone is either aware of a problem, or reassured that there is no problem.

Does that sound like a good solution?


Lisa Shea, Owner
Re: Helppppppppp [Re: BLR] #390443 11/29/09 01:59 AM
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kksuns Offline
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BLR I don't think you did anything to be sorry for. Your instincts were telling you that something was off with the way Chau spoke. I spotted the same inconsistencies in the words he used, and he was going overboard with the "bad English". I saw the same red flags you did, my instincts were on high alert. That is the reason I didn't reply to him at all.
The only thing BLR did was call him on his bluff. Or what she thought was a bluff(and so did I & others). And she actually did it in a nice way!She didn't call him a dirty rotten troll or anything..she said shame on you...
I think under the circumstances the conversation stayed friendly and supportive, no one was being rude or "disrespectful" until the last post by Chau himself. HE's the one who got totally out of hand and outraged using violent and obscene language! WOW! He was spoilin for a fight. And if you hadn't noticed his usage of words and all around "English language" was dramatically different in that last post.For some strange reason it improved.hmmmmm So yeah..his true colors were revealed. He was just a poser trying to start trouble.
It is just so obvious, I can't understand how you can't see it for what it is.Or how you can lay blame on others.






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