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Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: Toastys MaMa] #345428 01/04/09 09:53 PM
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Having been there - Unless the friend can provide details so that the cheating spouse can't just say "no that isn't so" it makes for a really dificult situation.

Whats really funny - you want to know - but it is even more painful when you are in a situation where your cheating spouse doesn't even have the consideration to be discreate.

I agree with the part about being able to work on the marriage. The funny thing is - once a indescretion is admitted and brought to light - things are never the same again.

They can be good in a different way - but they are never the same.

Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: Toastys MaMa] #345429 01/04/09 09:56 PM
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I would handle it just like you said iLuvNature. In my opinion a true friend would never keep something like that to him or herself no matter how much it might hurt. It would hurt even more if you found out down the road that your friend knew and DIDN"T tell you!
So yeah,I'd give the rotten cheater a chance to come clean themselves(I'd probably give them 24 hrs tops!) and if they didn't then I would definitely let my friend know.
And I know my friends and they would def do the same for me.




Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: kksuns] #345431 01/04/09 10:03 PM
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Quote:
The funny thing is - once a indescretion is admitted and brought to light - things are never the same again.

They can be good in a different way - but they are never the same.


Having been there...being cheated on..I totally agree but it isnt funny. Things will never be the same again...even if they stay together and continue to work on thier marriage. Thats what marriage is ..work. Trust broken is hard to regain. It can be done but boy is it hard work to regain that trust. It definatly leaves a huge scar on the heart of the one who was cheated on.

Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: kksuns] #345433 01/04/09 10:09 PM
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Originally Posted By: kksuns
I would handle it just like you said iLuvNature. In my opinion a true friend would never keep something like that to him or herself no matter how much it might hurt. It would hurt even more if you found out down the road that your friend knew and DIDN"T tell you!
So yeah,I'd give the rotten cheater a chance to come clean themselves(I'd probably give them 24 hrs tops!) and if they didn't then I would definitely let my friend know.
And I know my friends and they would def do the same for me.


smile We think alike.
I would feel so horrible if I found something like that out and didnt tell my friend and then she/he found out about it and also the fact that I also knew...OOoo now THAT would definatly hurt on the friendship!

Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: kksuns] #345435 01/04/09 10:10 PM
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Hmmmmm... I don't think I'd tell the cheater's spouse if all I saw was kissing (even passionate kissing), because maybe the person just had a momentary lapse of judgement, smooched the other person, then pulled back & snapped out of it & felt crummy & will never do it again! I would say something to the Guilty Smoocher, along the lines of "Hey-hey-hey -- what the heck are you doing?" but I would not tell Guilty Smoocher's spouse.

Now, in the case of inappropriate touching or, er, heading on into the No-Tell Motel, then I agree with those of you who said you'd confront the cheater & give then 24 hours to tell the spouse (or else I will).

I am not advocating random make-out sessions for married people -- lol -- I'm just not ready to scream "adultery!" about one kiss... It could be just one of those good-bye pecks that the other person suddenly turned into, er, smooch-fest!

Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: Toastys MaMa] #345439 01/04/09 10:24 PM
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Originally Posted By: i*Luv*Nature

Having been there...being cheated on..I totally agree but it isnt funny. Things will never be the same again...even if they stay together and continue to work on thier marriage. Thats what marriage is ..work. Trust broken is hard to regain. It can be done but boy is it hard work to regain that trust. It definatly leaves a huge scar on the heart of the one who was cheated on.


Bad choice of words - I didn't mean funny "ha ha" I meant funny "ironic"

Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: BLR] #345443 01/04/09 10:56 PM
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lol...gotcha!

Kinda like that song by Alanis Morrisette..."Isnt it Ironic"..

Its like rain, on your wedding day...a free ride, when ya already paid..its some good advice, thatcha just didnt take...and who would have thought...it figures!!

Love that song laugh

Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: Toastys MaMa] #345447 01/04/09 11:36 PM
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Regarding things never being the same again, I agree. And not just the one who has been cheated on. The cheater changes - from the very first occasion.

A long time ago, there was a series by John D. MacDonald about a character named Travis McGee. McGee fell in love quite often, but one woman at a time, according to the story line. But in one novel, circumstances caused the woman in his life at that time to feel that the trust had been broken.

Travis was heartbroken, but he discovered that even though things were nominally "worked out," the trust would never be the same again.

I discovered that for myself after the breakup of my first marriage, and I was heartbroken for a long time. Years. And I still have some sorrow, and that was in 1985.

Thankfully, though, I became a better person. And my ex became happier, also. And, at the right time, I met the woman who is everything to me.

Not only would I not want to damage my own heart, or cheapen our relationship, or abuse our trust, or hurt Marge, the simple fact of the matter is that Marge keeps me so happy that I would not want to even appear to be thinking of being unfaithful.

I am a lucky man.


Marge is the love of my life.
Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: Carl] #345455 01/05/09 12:41 AM
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Carl - it sounds like we grew up together in different states.

Last edited by BLR; 01/05/09 12:43 AM.
Re: ~Catching a cheater in the act~ [Re: Toastys MaMa] #345458 01/05/09 12:46 AM
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Originally Posted By: i*Luv*Nature
If you saw your good friends hubby or wife/girlfriend, boyfriend cheating on your good friend (something very obvious like sharing a passionate kiss or inappropriate touching or worse) would you let your friend know??...

This kind of happened to me ~ twice.

I didn't tell the spouse / girlfriend, but the cheat knew that I knew and that I could tell if I wanted, so I hoped that they would do the right thing.



"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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